Show Me What I'm Looking For

As I step through my life, whether it be walking, running, or trudging, it is always moving forward. Yet I can't help but feel that when an obstacle meets my path, I fall behind as my life moves toward the future without me. I can see everything ahead of me, but it only appears to be gravitating farther away.

When I was younger, I dreadfully feared that I would never be as successful as I'd always hoped to be because I was too afraid of taking the necessary risks to get me there. That feeling has come and passed, and I'm exceptionally confident that I will carry out whatever marvelous plans the Lord has made for me. The secret to attaining this sense of peace is not only following God, but knowing that he is the only one you have to please or worry about, and even then he knows you're not perfect so there is no surprise in disappointing him occasionally. In doing this, and just being yourself without external pressures, will unveil you're truly extraordinary potential, which others will admire and thrive to emulate.

This is all fine and good, but I'm having a difficult time in this aspect of my faith when it comes to relationships.

God loves teaching us things, and the curious cat that I am finds this intriguing and frustrating as I try to understand exactly what he is doing. Obviously he doesn't want me to know everything, but I am discovering that he has been placing me in practically identical situations over and over again, and no matter how I respond or react, I end up unhappy in the end. To be honest, I've looked at this from every perspective I could possibly fathom and I'm still coming up empty handed.

It seems that he brings people into my life that are struggling, frequently when it comes to the arena of motivation. They come, they absorb, and leave me dry. The following is how I've broken down this repetitive scenario in my mind.

God wants me to realize my talents. We're all blessed with various forms of expertise to be used to our advantage and share with others. I would like to think that the Lord has given me a clever and witty sense of humor, a passionate heart, a fancy way with words, the ability to constructively mediate communication, and most of all, the drive of a Pagani Zonda. That being said, it seems as though my being in the presence of those less galvanized aids in emitting some aura of momentum for them to pick up on. But after multiple relationships have ended*, I'm fully aware that I can get 'em going ;) [*Granted these relationships have all ended, I wouldn't call them unsuccessful as I have learned other things, but I find it curious that this setup keeps echoing.]

So why do they leave? Am I supposed to help others, despite the cost to myself. It is very emotionally unsatisfying to be favored with the presence of some extraordinary people, only for them to extract what they need to grow and leave me damaged and depressed. When I encounter another, I have an unyielding inner compulsion to devote myself to their existence through all my resources of which they desire. It is literally an addictive affinity from which I cannot break free. Why would God lead me to do something that leaves me feeling so debilitated and therefore reluctant to even consider another relationship?

These situations corner me at a decidedly unfortunate disadvantage giving more than I receive. I know God wants me to serve others, but I know he doesn't want me to feel disrespected either. It seems that those I meet have pegged me for the type to give freely without proper reciprocity and prey on having their cake and eating it too. I am a decadent, three layer red velvet masterpiece, and they are a crumbling hot mess of fruitcake that includes everything but the kitchen garbage disposal. There is nothing wrong with either, but you get what you see, and I've got a little more to offer.

So am I just giving too much? It seems as though it is possible that God is trying to show me that I am too eager to jump in front of a bus for those who wouldn't even flinch as my blood stained their shoe. This is the biggest question I battle. I tend to place my joy in being such a profit to others, that when they leave, I lose all hope. Maybe He is trying to show me that only true joy should come from him and as soon as I realize this my frustration will be resolved. But I don't think that is it. I see so many people enjoying the way their fortes help others, why should I tune-down my talent if it can be advantageous to others? And as I said before, it is such an unconscious impulse to offer my capabilities to the infinite disposal of these cake eaters that I haven't the slightest idea as to how to go about not being helpful.

I have rationalized and analyzed this with all the energy I could humanly contrive, and I am still without solution. All I want is someone to share my life with. Someone to survive the struggles and treasure the triumphs by my side. To appreciate me, despite my flaws. To challenge me to be who God wants me to be. Why is this too much to ask?

Press has it's Perks

Having the honor of attending the 2011 NAIAS on media days was quite the tease compared to attending with the public. Being there amongst the press, media, celebrities, and dignitaries was a great experience to see new concepts and appreciate the time, effort, and hard work put into creating these vehicles and technologies, along with the show as a production as a whole.

The public aren't so obliged. Which is why, I have determined, that they lock and barricade most of the merchandise. It is a much different atmosphere on public attendance days when the vast majority in attendance have little or know knowledge on what they are in the presence of. This is why it is up to those of us in Marketing and PR to do our best to get the word out for the general audience to comprehend. The NAIAS is such a unique event in our profession to showcase our talents.

However, I had ample opportunity to drool over every vehicle at the show the first two days, so attending on public days is more of a venture into observation of general attendees. In doing so, I have come to the conclusion that some general changes may be beneficial, though I am unaware of how financially plausible they are, which may alter the image of the Auto Show as a whole.

It has come to my attention that some more educated and interested attendees, we'll call them "enthusiasts," are distraught over the lack of respect and misguided intentions of other less enthusiastic masses at the show, which we'll call "pretenters."

These enthusiasts have a genuine interest in the production, technology, and value of the vehicles being presented. They want to learn more about them, compare them, discuss their performance and aesthetics in a constructive manner. Pretenders have something else in mind.

Pretenders are intent on rudely swooping in while you are trying to take a picture with you film camera and sliding their grimy hands down the windows to open the petite door handles of a $70,000 piece of fine art to then yank on every knob and pulley till they venture to their next assault.

So why not have a tier system to organize who can attend the show, and on what days. Have the enthusiasts take some sort of car IQ test and charge them extra to get in on the first few days after the media, before allowing the pretenders, and 9 month olds who are just learning to walk, to traipse the floors with their wide eyes and sticky fingers.

NAIAS 2011

What a whirlwind!

I've been given the privilege to work as a sponsored (and not to mention PAID) blogger at the North American International Auto Show for ZF Friedrichshafen, a fantastic worldwide automotive supplier for Driveline and Chassis Technology with some 64,000 employees at 127 locations in 26 countries. <-- Pretty impressive stuff, right?

But wait, it gets even better.

It's profound how technology is changing vehicles inside, and out. It is making cars easier and safer to drive in ways that many consumers don't even realize when purchasing their vehicles.

The Auto Show may help educate buyers, but it seems to have a stigma that can drive people away from the opportunities surrounding them. Granted, they're standing in a show room with over 100 cars grossing a total value of over a million dollars - it can be a little intimidating. But isn't the purpose of having this in Detroit to remember where you came from? In fact, know where you came from was Chrysler's new motto when unveiling the new 300 (which has ZF front dampers and their ride height control system Nivomat to stabilize your ride).

As a consumer, it can be difficult to appreciate the multitude of options available when selecting a vehicle today because the overwhelming pressure to make a morally, politically, and economically acceptable decision. Finding yourself at the NAIAS in the midst of every option, along with some educated and persuasive professionals eager to share with you why their vehicle is best can have it's pros and cons.

So when it comes down to it, what do you look for in a vehicle?

Is it about looks, or performance, or something else?

For me, I want to drive a car that looks good, of course, but I don't want to sacrifice efficiency to obtain it. And vice versa. I don't care if a Prius is more aerodynamic, it looks like a pregnant rollerskate from an alien universe and I'm not going to be seen in public in it. Vehicles should meet somewhere in the middle, somewhere between functionality and fancifullness.

Coming Soon

Wow, I'm clearly having trouble with posting a blog daily. I could make an infinite list of all the excuses I find valid for not keeping up with it, however I will not waste my time on an inevitable scriptitation. I will make a list of upcoming exciting events in my life that I am looking forward to.

1. Judging DECA districts. Though I was never involved in DECA in high school, my younger brother is currently and I am attending to support him tomorrow. I am hoping that my knowledge in PR, marketing, and communication can be helpful in young minds.

2. Spending time with my cousins before I go back to school. My cousins, because they are closer in age than my siblings, have always been more like sisters to me than cousins. I will miss them a lot, along with my family, when I return to school after this month long break at home.

3. Attending the NAIAS as a compensated guest for ZF Friedrichshafen and blowing up my social media outlets, this blog included, about all the awesomeness I encounter.

4. Starting school again. I miss the routine and my friends, not the homework though.

5. Driving around listening to my newly renewed Sirius satellite radio. I love music and I love paying to avoid obnoxious and incessant rambling about nonsense that passes as "advertising" nowadays.

6. This is not something coming up, but I just HAVE to mention it because I'm still in awe. TRON: Legacy was a phenomenal movie. With a breathtaking soundtrack (Daft Punk has always been transcendensational) and arousing visuals, it's definitely one to add to your collection. Even if you never saw the first film, or played the game, or have any idea what I'm talking about: this movie can be enjoyable for anyone. With a smattering of action, adventure, romance, and drama, and an appropriate PG rating, it can be enjoyed from any perspective.

Tis the season

With Christmas fast upon us, I am trying to remember just how important it is to honor it's true purpose: The birth of our Lord!

Though our celebration this year may not be as festive, it is no reason to be less joyous and thankful for how God has blessed me since I rededicated my life to him a year and a half ago.

He is my everything and I want to please him in this life I have here on earth.

I am filled with appreciation for his grace and mercy in my life. I am so thankful for my friends, my family, my jobs, my education, and just my life in general. He has blessed me in so many ways that I do not deserve and I don't take enough time out of my day to dedicate to praising him for his infinite glory and wisdom.

In leu of this, I am finally getting a tattoo as a physical reminder of how in control of my life God is and how I don't have to worry because he always right beside me. I have always believed that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. It has become evident over the past few years how no matter how small and insignificant something may seem, God is watching and waiting. He is teaching me things and I am growing in my faith. I have decided to get the verse Romans 8:28 tattooed on my right foot as a daily reminder of how no matter how bad or good something is, it is all part of our marvelous creator's plan. And for that, I am ever thankful.

Moving

I am clearly slacking in my blog posting abilities. However, I believe I have a valid excuse. I have been busy moving my stuff home for Christmas break, working, and spending time with my family and friends. I've been enjoying this time of rest and relaxation after a brutally stressful semester. I also ended up getting sick :( This has put an unfortunate damper on my mood.

Today, in my relatively ill state, I managed to purchase almost everyone's Christmas presents and go house hunting with my step-dad. House hunting is fun, but I really don't want to move. Though I will be moving out anyways, I still love my parents' house and am not looking forward to the stress of packing up our entire life that has taken place here. There are so many wonderful things about our home that I am going to miss.

1. We live on 11 acres. Plenty of room for our dog to run around, to ride the four-wheeler, to rake leaf piles, and to build snow forts.

2. We have an abundance of space, despite the plethora of things we have. Wherever we end up moving, I will likely be sharing a room instead of enjoying the ample 12x12 dungeon that is my room now.

3. I am going to miss the memories. I have lived here since I was ten-years-old or so and I have changed so much since then. My whole life has happened here. I will miss staying up on Christmas eve "waiting for Santa." I will miss laying out in the sun in our pool for hours in the summer.

However, I know that change can be a marvelous thing. I know that moving will be a great experience for my younger siblings to have the chance to live in an area closer to their friends instead of in the middle of nowhere. I will just have to be patient and see.

Everything changes

I have an unfortunate tendency to get my hopes about things, and then end up upset because things to not turn out the way I desired. When I find myself happy, sad, frustrated, etc. I tend to write, as per usual, but I write poems because I find more clarity this way. As I found my hopes rising, I crafted the following. But this feeling was fleeting and I am back at square one.

Is it curious that I can’t get you off my mind

Think about you almost all the time

I hear your laugh

I see you smile

Haven’t felt this way in a while

I was happy long ago

More than I thought I’d ever know

Everything was shiny, new, and bright

Then like a thief in the night

It all fell apart

I felt all alone in the dark

Never again to see the spark

Gave it all my strength to move forward

Find something better to travel toward

But nothing seemed to give

No prayers showed a purpose for me to live

But everything happens for a reason

And for each time there is a season

God has a funny way of making things work

Enter you, and no more hurt

The peace in your eyes

The assurance in your step

Filled with no single regret

Sweeps me up with a spirit of hope

Still I tread a slippery slope

Fear moving too quick

Sharing my life is no magic trick

All out in the open

I’m already fragile and broken

One more hit

And surely I’ll slip

Fumble and trip

But isn’t love supposed to be worth the risk?

So I’ll dream and wish

For just one kiss

To show me it could be real

Give you a chance to feel

The warmth seep back into your heart

At least it would be a start

And if you’re true

I can promise you

I’ll give it my all

Try my best not to let you fall

Always answer when you call

Commit to giving you all my care

All the love that I can bare

All I ask for in return

Is that no matter what you learn

Or which way our paths turn

You’ll still care

Just enough to be there