Breathe, smile, visualize, evaluate, fight.

I don't know what to do

Now that I have met you

Maybe chance, or maybe fate

But it's only been one date

Infatuation and excitement

May soon end in disappointment

Being the object of your affection

But where this will lead us

I'm not sure the direction

You make me laugh

I make you smile

This may break after a while

My true colors will surely show

Things about me you did not know

Unfavorable things about myself

Things I hide upon a shelf

Things that I have accepted

But not everybody else

And how they're affected

This frustration I've collected

Built up over time

And just as I suspected

It wasn't far that we would climb

Just far enough to make me scared

I knew deep down

There would be deception

Not all know how to react

Breeding fear of rejection

Just like that

I can't bare that again

Getting so close

Losing my breath

With each and every dose

Of the heroin you are to me

A drug and a disease

I can't leave, I'm addicted

To the pain

That you've inflicted

The highs and lows

The violent extremes

Losing you would bring an awful scream

But wait a minute

I'm over-thinking

The boat hasn't left the dock

And we're already sinking

Doomed for failure

This isn't flattering

But neither of us were looking for a fling

Relationships go deep

Beyond the surface

So if my heart you'd like to keep

Take a breath and repeat

Is it appropriate to throw up on annoying students in front of me during lecture to voice my complaint?

There is something particularly unfortunate about sitting in a class when you're sleep deprived and nauseous. I mean, it could be worse, I could be at work... oh wait, I will be at work tonight until 8 p.m. before trekking two hours home.

Sitting in this class should warrant I pay attention to the lecturer, and study for my quiz in the class from hell at noon. Yet, procrastination, as per usual, is far more enticing.

On that note, I'm beginning to find evidence that my institution of education is rather ridiculous. Quite frankly, it's embarrassing. My university has a party reputation, which is fine - but the academic deficiency is depressing. Who allows some of these students into these classes, let a lone college in general? I think several of them are barely lucid enough to function in society. Why would you come to class drunk and interrupt my learning? I'm paying over $900 for this class. I think I should be allowed some control over the outcome of this endeavor and therefore be allowed to BOUNCE YOUR ASS out of class.

In addition, some of the educators are lacking in their ability to profess knowledge in any way. Granted, I have been blessed with some great, and very enthusiastic and inspirational professors thus far, many of my teachers have been lackluster. It's comical to me that I can take an online course that requires the reading of ten short stories and viewing their film versions, and never flip a page and still maintain an A in the course. Or to attend a lecture, and be writing a blog and checking my facebook and still manage a 92%. I'm not a genius here folks. Though I do maintain superior organizational and multitasking skills, this isn't rocket science.

I suppose every institution has its pros and cons, it just appears that mine has some cons that feel slightly heavier than the pros. This rant has originated from my frustration with the delinquents seated in front of me who enjoy rambling in a hung over state about nonsense, distracting my subconscious from absorbing the general gist of the lecture. There blatant disregard for my learning and apathy for their own is frustrating.

Yes, I'm bored. Yes, I already know pretty much what we are talking about. Yes, I'm not really "on task." But I'm not bothering or hindering anyone else's learning process. Their violation of basic social norms and borderline mentally impaired actions only surface on Fridays for some odd reason. Fridays, the day that nobody wants to be here anyway. Why can't we all just coast through class and get on with our business in a peaceful manner?

Did I mention I can't wait to graduate?

Chrysler Wins the Super Bowl

Wow. Just wow. I can't even begin to explain the respect and admiration I have for the genius behind Chrysler's new marketing campaign. I mean, by far, at the 2011 NAIAS, they were the first and best press conference showcasing their goals for the next year.

And what another smart move by waiting to promote their beauty and class until the Super Bowl.

Not only do they make Detroit proud, and anyone from Michigan, but they use a prominent [and not to mention attractive:)] artist to push their cause even further. What honesty and hard work is evident in their vehicles and in this promotion.

I'm speechless.

Check it out for yourself and let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKL254Y_jtc

Wrong Era

I'll tell you what. Sometimes, I just don't understand why I wasn't born about five years earlier. Or in a different time period all together. I don't know if it was the way I was raised, or just an innate quality, but I've never had any fiery desire to be rebellious in any nature. On occasion I enjoy stirring the pot to stimulate my surroundings, but I don't usually feel any need to act outright against my moral standards.

I've come to realize that because of this rather mature perspective for my age, I struggle finding a place to be about my peers. So when my neighbors, who are nice and inviting folks, have the music bumpin' and yelling all loud, I can't help but be annoyed. (Though my annoyance has build upon the negative snowball of a day to begin with.)

I like my music loud too, but I try to not irritate everyone in the process. Go ahead and dougie your way through a G6, but do it a little lower so it doesn't shake the paint off the walls please :)

I'm certain that there aren't many others out there at my age with a like-mind. Those who aren't conservative, but do like to go to bed at 9pm on some Fridays because they've been up since 7am and working non-stop all day long. Those who don't mind being on their grind because they know they are going far in life. Those who rock their discipline and brush the dirt off their shoulder. It'd be nice to meet 'em, to have someone to fall back on who gets it every once in a while.

But until then, I'm gonna be thankful. I've got two legs, two arms, two eyes, ears, and a mouth. To top it off, I've got lungs that breathe and a heart that beats and I don't even deserve that much. Big ups to the Father for blessing me with my life. Though I struggle finding where I belong in this world, I know right where I belong in his :)

Get it!

Though the hour merits I be in bed, I felt the need to tout my accomplishments for a moment. I'd like to say that I pride myself on getting things done in an efficient manner and staying ahead of my schedule before becoming overwhelmed.

I work four jobs and am taking 15 credits this semester. Sometimes I just like saying this because of the attention I get. In reality, it's not that difficult. I find my classes easy and have a system of organization that allows me to complete an abundance of work during class - it's called multitasking ;) Work stays the same each week for two of my jobs unless I pick up extra shifts, and the other two are at my own pace for the most part. What an unfortunately selfish act which I indulge in, feel free to judge.

Sometimes things can get chaotic, but it's times like this when I'm on my grind and going strong that I feel like I could commit to even more activities. But as it stands, I would just like to say I am so eternally grateful to God that he has blessed me with so many opportunities and I am excited to be growing and serving him in new ways each day. I couldn't have done any of it without him.

He knows how much I appreciate keeping busy, but also how much I need breaks to take a breather. I am looking forward to continuing writing and sharing all of the great things that I have going on in my life and how I can serve him and lead others in his direction to enjoy the wonders he has to offer!

Show Me What I'm Looking For

As I step through my life, whether it be walking, running, or trudging, it is always moving forward. Yet I can't help but feel that when an obstacle meets my path, I fall behind as my life moves toward the future without me. I can see everything ahead of me, but it only appears to be gravitating farther away.

When I was younger, I dreadfully feared that I would never be as successful as I'd always hoped to be because I was too afraid of taking the necessary risks to get me there. That feeling has come and passed, and I'm exceptionally confident that I will carry out whatever marvelous plans the Lord has made for me. The secret to attaining this sense of peace is not only following God, but knowing that he is the only one you have to please or worry about, and even then he knows you're not perfect so there is no surprise in disappointing him occasionally. In doing this, and just being yourself without external pressures, will unveil you're truly extraordinary potential, which others will admire and thrive to emulate.

This is all fine and good, but I'm having a difficult time in this aspect of my faith when it comes to relationships.

God loves teaching us things, and the curious cat that I am finds this intriguing and frustrating as I try to understand exactly what he is doing. Obviously he doesn't want me to know everything, but I am discovering that he has been placing me in practically identical situations over and over again, and no matter how I respond or react, I end up unhappy in the end. To be honest, I've looked at this from every perspective I could possibly fathom and I'm still coming up empty handed.

It seems that he brings people into my life that are struggling, frequently when it comes to the arena of motivation. They come, they absorb, and leave me dry. The following is how I've broken down this repetitive scenario in my mind.

God wants me to realize my talents. We're all blessed with various forms of expertise to be used to our advantage and share with others. I would like to think that the Lord has given me a clever and witty sense of humor, a passionate heart, a fancy way with words, the ability to constructively mediate communication, and most of all, the drive of a Pagani Zonda. That being said, it seems as though my being in the presence of those less galvanized aids in emitting some aura of momentum for them to pick up on. But after multiple relationships have ended*, I'm fully aware that I can get 'em going ;) [*Granted these relationships have all ended, I wouldn't call them unsuccessful as I have learned other things, but I find it curious that this setup keeps echoing.]

So why do they leave? Am I supposed to help others, despite the cost to myself. It is very emotionally unsatisfying to be favored with the presence of some extraordinary people, only for them to extract what they need to grow and leave me damaged and depressed. When I encounter another, I have an unyielding inner compulsion to devote myself to their existence through all my resources of which they desire. It is literally an addictive affinity from which I cannot break free. Why would God lead me to do something that leaves me feeling so debilitated and therefore reluctant to even consider another relationship?

These situations corner me at a decidedly unfortunate disadvantage giving more than I receive. I know God wants me to serve others, but I know he doesn't want me to feel disrespected either. It seems that those I meet have pegged me for the type to give freely without proper reciprocity and prey on having their cake and eating it too. I am a decadent, three layer red velvet masterpiece, and they are a crumbling hot mess of fruitcake that includes everything but the kitchen garbage disposal. There is nothing wrong with either, but you get what you see, and I've got a little more to offer.

So am I just giving too much? It seems as though it is possible that God is trying to show me that I am too eager to jump in front of a bus for those who wouldn't even flinch as my blood stained their shoe. This is the biggest question I battle. I tend to place my joy in being such a profit to others, that when they leave, I lose all hope. Maybe He is trying to show me that only true joy should come from him and as soon as I realize this my frustration will be resolved. But I don't think that is it. I see so many people enjoying the way their fortes help others, why should I tune-down my talent if it can be advantageous to others? And as I said before, it is such an unconscious impulse to offer my capabilities to the infinite disposal of these cake eaters that I haven't the slightest idea as to how to go about not being helpful.

I have rationalized and analyzed this with all the energy I could humanly contrive, and I am still without solution. All I want is someone to share my life with. Someone to survive the struggles and treasure the triumphs by my side. To appreciate me, despite my flaws. To challenge me to be who God wants me to be. Why is this too much to ask?

Press has it's Perks

Having the honor of attending the 2011 NAIAS on media days was quite the tease compared to attending with the public. Being there amongst the press, media, celebrities, and dignitaries was a great experience to see new concepts and appreciate the time, effort, and hard work put into creating these vehicles and technologies, along with the show as a production as a whole.

The public aren't so obliged. Which is why, I have determined, that they lock and barricade most of the merchandise. It is a much different atmosphere on public attendance days when the vast majority in attendance have little or know knowledge on what they are in the presence of. This is why it is up to those of us in Marketing and PR to do our best to get the word out for the general audience to comprehend. The NAIAS is such a unique event in our profession to showcase our talents.

However, I had ample opportunity to drool over every vehicle at the show the first two days, so attending on public days is more of a venture into observation of general attendees. In doing so, I have come to the conclusion that some general changes may be beneficial, though I am unaware of how financially plausible they are, which may alter the image of the Auto Show as a whole.

It has come to my attention that some more educated and interested attendees, we'll call them "enthusiasts," are distraught over the lack of respect and misguided intentions of other less enthusiastic masses at the show, which we'll call "pretenters."

These enthusiasts have a genuine interest in the production, technology, and value of the vehicles being presented. They want to learn more about them, compare them, discuss their performance and aesthetics in a constructive manner. Pretenders have something else in mind.

Pretenders are intent on rudely swooping in while you are trying to take a picture with you film camera and sliding their grimy hands down the windows to open the petite door handles of a $70,000 piece of fine art to then yank on every knob and pulley till they venture to their next assault.

So why not have a tier system to organize who can attend the show, and on what days. Have the enthusiasts take some sort of car IQ test and charge them extra to get in on the first few days after the media, before allowing the pretenders, and 9 month olds who are just learning to walk, to traipse the floors with their wide eyes and sticky fingers.